The Kerala High Court is a pompous, arrogant bastard. It has opened fire from its dragon tongue and induced a draconian policy of closing down liquor outlets within 1500 meters of the main road. Why the f*** is it bothered to do so? The place where I used to buy booze is now closed. The only outlet is now situated in a remote place. When a court ostracizes legitimate democratic rights, it becomes a stinker bum displaying tyranny and autocracy. Drinking is a personal right and freedom of a citizen in a democracy. To relax with a drink after a hard day of work, gives great mental satisfaction. A court’s duty is to be just and fair in interpreting laws. When a court passes draconian decisions like these, it is overstepping its boundaries and making the citizens of a democracy its slaves.
This is the Onam Festival Bumper brought out by the Kerala State. It carries whooping bumper prize of 80 Million Indian Rupees. On the ticket is the dear and adored King of Kerala, Mahabali, who was duped by a God that was jealous of his prosperity as a King. King Mahabali will grant any wish to his subjects. God appeared in the form of a dwarf and asked him a wish. When the wish was granted God grew into a giant and stamped on the entire King’s territory. Then God asked him again for more. King Mahabali put his own head in sacrifice but he asked for a boon from God that being able to visit his subjects every year. That became Onam. People light lamps for the auspicious welcoming of King Mahabali. I being the humblest subject light a metaphoric lamp for King Mahabali this Onam 2016 and ask the boon from Mahabali that I will be the luckiest in the Bumper Lottery Draw. The picture of the snake boat depicts that snake boat races are held during the month of Onam.
Dear Chief Minister Comrade Pinaray Vijayan,
Your left front victory in Kerala State Assembly elections is a turning tide of victory. Traven Puck also voted for your party. I hope that after your victory, you will change the anti-democratic, bourgeoisie liquor policy of the previous Congress govt. to restrict the consumption of alcohol to Five Star Hotels and also to phase out alcohol by the closing down of beverage outlets. Traven Puck of Kerala is a guzzler. Being middle-class, he cannot afford to go to five-star outlets. One looses all dignity when one stands in the Serpentine queue outside beverage outlets. It’s Traven Puck’s plea that you will open more beverage outlets. Kerala being a tourist hot-spot will lose its clientele if your government follows the alcohol policy of the previous, eccentric Congress government. I hope your government will represent the happiness of the proletariat. It is never said in Das Capital that drinking is a shame, sin or taboo. It’s essential that a middle class man should relax after a hard day’s work. Even Biblical books like the Bible are permissive for drinking. ‘Drink but not get drunk’, says the Bible. It’s a shame that alcohol consumption is privileged for the bourgeoisie. Alcohol is easily available in black in states like Gujarat which have banned alcohol. Traven Puck has noted the statement of Minister Thomas Isaac that the present alcohol policy is unscientific. One reason for my casting of vote for the left was that you will be liberal on alcohol. Give the right of democracy for the tipplers in Kerala State.
Kerala a favorite tourist hot-spot is also known as God’s Own Country is one of the fifty destinations to be visited as per National Geography. Kerala is famous for its monsoon or rainy season. The high pressure surrounding the Arabian Sea flings the South Western monsoon on to the shores of Kerala. This is called as the burst of the monsoon. The monsoon begins in June when schools start. It’s an angelic sight to see the children rushing to schools, wearing raincoats or enveloped by umbrellas. Rain water forms rills and flows through the roads like echoes of poetry. Children float paper boats in the water. Cruising through the backwaters of Kerala, it’s a sight to see paddy fields being bathed by water. A water permeated bird, thoroughly drenched, stands on the branch as music, so beautifully enjoying the feeling of falling rain. If one walks on the road, one can see a sea of umbrellas. Rivers overflow their music and flood the roads. I welcome the readers to visit Kerala during the monsoon.
A (Mallu) is satirized name for a Malayali, a native of God’s Own Country, Kerala. Mallus are culturally and notoriously famous for PARA. A PARA is a cultural symptom where the speaker indulges in harmful gossip and demeans the person who is spoken about. For example a lady in the postal department might gossip to the wife of her colleague that he is flirting and sleeping with an office mate. Most Mallus are para-maniacs. Most middle class mallus love to show off their ostentation. Gold is a fascination and a much desired cultural artifact by most Mallus. When Mallus get their daughters married off, the deck them gold thick as those chains adorned by a ferocious Rottweiler. Pentecostal Mallus don’t wear gold but still they go to all extent to make their marriages posh. They hire posh cars, Audis, Mercs and Jaguars to transport the bride and groom. Most Mallus flock to the shores of the Middle East or America or Canada to become rich. A curious phenomenon is that they don’t adapt to the culture even though they get citizenship. They carry their churches, temples and mosques with them. But the new generation Mallus are different. Some new generation Mallus are Jesus Freaks. They are so horrendous, culturally intolerant of the other. The New Generation Mallus are changing and are adapting to the zeitgeist.
Aranmula is a place near to my village. Originally it was a paddy field. Aranmula is also a place where a historic Hindu temple is located. The government had a plan to construct an International Airport there. But the plan was shelved due to environmental and religious reasons. The religious reasons are eccentric. What if the people poop and urinate while the plane is flying over the temple. That will be a religious transgression. Some people are so zany that they think that poop and urine will fall out of the plane on to the temple.
The assembly elections are around the corner. No party is firm about the liquor policy. Alcohol has been banned in all hotels except five-star ones. The governments are also phasing out retail beverage outlets. I consider this as tyranny and infringement on the democratic rights of the citizen. Neither the left front nor the Congress is keen to reverse this trend. Another grievance that I have is: the plans to set up an International Airport in Aranmula, near my place have been put in the dust-bin. Imagine the progress that would have taken place if the Airport had come into existence. All these reasons make me lose interest in voting. I, as a democratic citizen deserve some privileges.
I went for a Kerala, Suriyani, Pentecostal marriage. I went for it because the bride was my previous student. After the marriage was over, I was standing in the dining hall. The bride’s mother who knows me well was walking by my side. She gave me a plastic smile and ignoring me, went on to say halo and greetings to people higher than my social standing. I have seen the similar happening to me in other Suriyani marriages I have visited. My social feathers deteriorated to that of a small pygmy.
Palakkad, the northern district of Kerala is a mojo of the Goddess of Fortune. Among all the districts of Kerala, Palakkad by some hook or crook, twist or turn bags the maximum number of prizes for lottery tickets. Mostly the first and second prizes are from Palakkad. Palakkad can be made into an idiom as place where fortunate things happen.
Example: He went aboard for work and that became his Palakkad.
As far as work is concerned, opportunities are few and pay is less so this place is not conducive as Palakkad.
He works as a ground crew staff in Trivandrum airport. Kerala is very famous for weed called Idukki Gold. The temperature in Idukki is neither hot nor cold and grass thrives well. The drug barons of Kerala have found an ingenious way of taking dope abroad. They hand the marijuana over to him and he goes to plane and hands over the dope to the carrier. For every shipment he is paid 1000$. He is happy to do the job as he himself smokes cannabis.