My memory keeps me flooding about two missed sexual encounters. One was an English Lady in her early sixties and the other was an Indian lady in her late fifties.
First of all I would like to narrate about my encounter with an English Lady. She came to the institution where I worked, as a teacher, tourist, doing voluntary work. Here name was Mrs. V. She was a divorcee. She was good -natured, polite and well mannered. She was a gifted artist, doing skilled portraits of nature and also, she was a talented poet. One day, she said to me, “Hey Mr. A, let’s go down to the school and paint the kindergarten class”. I replied affirmatively. And together we walked to the class room and started the work. She started brushing the walls with alphabetic letters and pictures of things to represent the alphabets. Our bodies used to brush each other by accident. I became excited, aroused but still I was in a quandary about whether to approach her and touch her for gratification. I was also confused about what her intentions were. She had a buxom, voluptuous figure and was not unattractive. But at that time my moral and puritan tradition, and my nature of being married kept me away from the desire of wanting to copulate with her. But I was also in a state of worry and doubt as to what will happen if I make the wrong move. That day passed off without nothing happening. Later on, we happened to be moving to Bombay for attending a marriage. We were traveling in a train, myself, my wife, kids and her. We reached the destination and booked her into a hotel and we stayed in a relative’s house. Later on in the evening, when the sun setting like a pink meadow, I visited her in her hotel room. I knocked at the door and she welcomed me warmly. She rummaged in her bag and brought out a bottle of Teacher’s Whiskey and invited me to have it. Slowly I started pouring the whiskey into the glass, mixing it with water and having it. She was lying down on the bed and I was sitting on a chair beside a table. After three pegs and me continuing to drink, the whiskey started to hit me. She brought out two pieces of hand- made paper and gave me a calligraphic pen and told me to write two poems for her. She was in love with my writing especially my poetry. I wrote the poetry for her with devotion. After completing it, she gave me ten pounds and told me that she would frame it and position it on the wall of her apartment. By this time I was drunk. My speech started becoming slurry. By chance, our conversation drifted on to sex. She remarked to me: ” she would love to do the fellatio”. I became a complete idiot, an ass, and I took no cue from her conversation. Even though I was aroused, I didn’t have the courage to approach her. My Indian nature of moral prudery kept me aback, though I was sexually tempted. By the time the phone came from the house and my wife was calling me. I said to her Mrs V. , I am going back. I stumbled to the door, zigg-zagging and walked unsteadily to the house. The memory of this experience leaves me with a tragedy and vulnerability of missing such a precious experience. I feel sad and curse myself and that I missed out something so profound and mystic, a lyrical intimacy of the body.
The second experience that happened to me was with a colleague. She wanted to sell me her computer and for that she put soap one me by inviting me to her apartment for dinner. I went in at the called time about 7 PM in the night. I knocked and her husband opened the door. After introducing me to her husband, he said: ” I am going out.” The she took hold of my hand and led me to the bedroom. She was skinny as a stick and had breasts that were as large as big grapes. She wore tights. When she took hold of my hand, I felt aroused because it was a long time since I have had sex. Our conversation drifted on to ghosts. She recounted to me, the death of her sister in the Kanishka aircraft crash, which happened as result of terrorism. She recalled that many a time her sister appears to her as ectoplasm. I was sitting in the bed beside her and she was holding my hand. On the one hand I was sexually aroused, and on other hand, I started suppressing it. I was naive enough not to realize that she was making her first sexual overture. I became a medley, a pot-puree of confusion, terror, puzzlement and excitation. When she realized that I was not making any response, she said:”let’s have dinner”. I gulped the dinner and left the flat hurriedly without even saying good bye. This incident also fills with me shame, regret and unpleasantness.