I was travelling in a bus and in the seat just adjacent to me was seated a middle aged lady and her two daughters. The driver put on a sudden break and all were jolted. One of the daughters banged her head on the frame of the seat and her head became swollen, the size of a gooseberry. Immediately the middle aged lady became all care and concern for her daughter. She started cooing to her daughter, massaging her head, hugging her and fondling her as the girl had started crying. This was my first experience of a kind, and feelings of affection for the kindred welled in my soul. But as time went my thoughts became a dirty psychoanalytic brush. I started reading into their actions as a person filled with pleasure of watching salacious graffiti. From the sacred feminine my thoughts degenerated into that of a voyeuristic satyr. I’m plagued by guilt and torment and yet I can’t help being that way.
I have lived with this wretch for twenty five long years. Our marriage was an arranged one and it was born out of a family convenience. She has been critical of me ever since we started life. She never in any moment of life has shown an iota of tenderness. Caresses, a stroke, a loving word, all are empty in her rotting body and cadaver mind. When it comes to making love…She lies down like a corpse with her thighs outstretched…. By the time it is over, she will be snoring to sleep like a mean witch….All this can be tolerated. But she has been brutal to me. I have the habit of consuming alcohol. For that very reason, she has cajoled a psychiatrist and has used thugs to confine me to an asylum. If I say democratically that I want to leave: she rebukes me saying: “that I will send you to the asylum.” In the asylum I have been tied, beaten and abused. My finances are running low; yes I have to find a way out to escape from her cruel clutches. All arranged marriages suck. Yes, I have wasted 25 years of my life without any intimacy, love or passion. She has also gone to the extent of chiding my love for literature, art and philosophy as madness. I hate her Pentecostal beliefs, a rigid Christian who thinks that life is for salvation and heaven.