By the time I woke I almost forgot the dream I saw. I dreamed of oil and as I was using it the more of it was getting replenished. Oil has a sacred, symbolic meaning in Jewish culture. The prophets used to anoint Kings (for example David) with oil and they used to bless them. In the new covenant of the master too Oil is used to anoint and bless. I take the dream symbolically as a blessing. As a secular meaning I interpret it as being fecund and prosperous and having more than enough.
INR is the currency denomination for Indian Rupees. Indian Rupees start from 10, then go on to 20, 50, 100, 500 and 1000. I rarely get to put 1000 Rupees in my purse. My eyes gleam in jealous fecundity when I see purses flowing with 1000 Rupee notes. 500, I get some times, may be once in a month by a benevolent friend of mine who visits me from time to time. All I get is to spend 2 of 100 Rupee notes given to me as an allowance.
Twice I was interviewed by a Madam Directress for a school in Cambodia. I booked tickets but failed to go. The second time, she came down all the way from Cambodia to India to meet me. On being asked the third time, she was generous enough to tell me to come to Cambodia and take the interview. But I am so broke to go down there and take an interview.
While returning back for work in Surabaya, I got drunk at the Bangalore airport. The police were beastly and cancelled my exit and arrested me. They twisted my hand and the metal implants in it got loose and how much it hurt. I had to pay a fine and I lost my job.
Yes, I am existentially responsible for my actions and I sigh in anguish of the chances that I have lost in life due to my erratic behavior.
I am in a paradox: I want to be at home: yet leave it. But now my mind is firm; yes I want emotional and financial independence. I have a wife who thinks she is homely, but really she and my mother, the old hag are monster tyrants. They pay me no salary but give me a pittance to buy cigarettes and have tea.
This is the Onam Festival Bumper brought out by the Kerala State. It carries whooping bumper prize of 80 Million Indian Rupees. On the ticket is the dear and adored King of Kerala, Mahabali, who was duped by a God that was jealous of his prosperity as a King. King Mahabali will grant any wish to his subjects. God appeared in the form of a dwarf and asked him a wish. When the wish was granted God grew into a giant and stamped on the entire King’s territory. Then God asked him again for more. King Mahabali put his own head in sacrifice but he asked for a boon from God that being able to visit his subjects every year. That became Onam. People light lamps for the auspicious welcoming of King Mahabali. I being the humblest subject light a metaphoric lamp for King Mahabali this Onam 2016 and ask the boon from Mahabali that I will be the luckiest in the Bumper Lottery Draw. The picture of the snake boat depicts that snake boat races are held during the month of Onam.
Sitting in remote village of Kerala, I dream of glitzy night bars, quaint art galleries, attending symposiums on art, philosophy and literature. But none of these things materialize in my real life. My wife who is a staunch Pentecostal told me let’s visit a house, a Pastor’s house. Yes I said, I have nothing to lose. We had to ask a few people, the direction and finally we reached the house. I encountered the most profound life experience there. The pastor’s son was blind and autistic. He came near me, sat on my lap and I whispered to him lovingly: “Moses”. I hugged and kissed him. He cooed in joy. We sat there for a long time. When my wife started praying in tongues for him, he jumped from his father’s lap, and sat in her lap. She sang to him softly: “Jesus loves me”. I understand life is more meaningful than art galleries, philosophy and literature. I wonder, is there more to the meaning of life than what I treasure. I don’t cry but tears welled up in my life.
He is eleven year old. He understands but rarely gives a reply. He buts his head forcefully on my cheek for showing affection. He has strange habits. He refuses to go an unlighted bathroom. He has a fascinating memory. By looking at the flag, he can identify each country and capital. He is very computer savvy. He loves automobiles and all types of machines. For hours he is on you-tube going through his favorite pastime. He is fond of singing and is able to hit the right note once guitar or organ is played. I wish there were opportunities to educate him properly. Here in my place in India, in Kerala there are no schools for autistic savants. Still I am educating him with a teacher for children with special needs.
Onam Bumper lottery this time is 80 Million Indian Rupees. This is the first time that the prize amount has been raised to such a mammoth amount. My ticket is TC 196924. Imagine if I could win it. I could buy a beautiful apartment facing the marine drive in Kochi. I can buy an SUV and travel through the length and breadth of India. I can bring my significant other to India and make her stay with me. I can spend all my life writing. I could visit exotic places in South East Asia like Bali, listen to Jazz, flirt with the Goddess in the Hindu temple, eat Indonesian Grilled Fish (my all time favorite), write travelogues, make love and be forever happy with my life.
Today I had a happy day. I had to do a SKYPE interview for a teaching post for an International School in Vietnam. The questions were so curry with my taste and for each reply the interviewer kept saying ‘excellent’. This was one of the best interviews I had in my life.
I am going through the experience of trying to fill my consciousness and mingle it with Australian Aboriginal Gods, African Shamanism and Satanism. As I am plunging deeper and deeper, I feel no meaning in my encounters. Theism has become a void for me. There is no dark world inhabited by demons and demonesses. My encounter with African Shamanism came from seeing a voodoo doll placed on the table of the UN director for Communications and PR in Jakarta. The doll keeps continually haunting me. Sometimes out of desperation, I seek its blessings. The end results are very discouraging. My tryst with an Australian Aboriginal God came from seeing an idol placed in my uncle’s house as a show piece. He had been in Australia for many years. This idol too nullifies my desires. I have embraced Hellenism and from Nietzsche, I came to understand that the Dionysian is a way of life. I hope my life’s fragments of wishes will catch on to something that is desirable. How can I make Nietzsche’s Will to Power an actualization in my life. I hope I can.
This might be strange and unbelievable to readers. But it happened to me yesterday night. I was woken from sleep with a dream. In the dream the dark Gods of the chthonic world were wrestling with me. Yes, for a long time, I was fascinated with African Shamanism and Haitian Voodoo. I became conscious in my body, but I couldn’t move it. It was totally numb. I didn’t know what to do. I do not know for how long it lasted. Then I thought of Christ, and the dream vanished away. My consciousness could realize that I could move my hands and limbs. This is really a baffling experience that I had. I have encountered what I have read in literature as real. May be at a deeper level the dream is showing my own conflict that I have with unresolved Christianity and pagan religions. But even though I was conscious, I was numb. I can’t explain why! This is a psychic experience.